In The Life of...

"would you ever be my fucking boyfriend"

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 19:05:03 GMT

wed. march 25, 2009
mark met me and the roommates for dinner at firehouse subs. he seemed a little shy but was cool enough to talk with people he didn't know. then we all went back to the appt. where me and him [me mostly] decided to watch a movie, and we decided on superstar.
*side note*
there are a lot of movies he hasn't seen and i plan on catching him up with like the lat few years of greatness.

so anyway after the movie we went downstairs and chatted a bit with the roommies. then headed back upstairs because he was asking me about my tattoos and i was gonna show him my scetches, but then I COULD NOT SHUT THE HELL UP. omg i felt so dumb because i was just talking away and he was all quiet just listening. i tried to ask him a few things along the way but he was very suttle about it like "yes, no, not really, or i guess" but i ended up talking for like 40 min or something. and he had to go to work the next day so he told me that he needed to head out. so i walked him to his car, and doing so he said "wow you're gonna walk me to my car?" i said yeah i'm used to it. we said out goodbyes and hugged then he left...

thurs. march 26, 2009
now i feel bad cuz i don't really remember thursday :/

fri. march 27, 2009
i came home after work and was greeted by a few of moe's friends. mind you i got home about 1020. so i go and change then mark comes and then desi and we are drinking and just all chillin. and then steven and mirna come home. and they seem kinda upset, they ask to talk to me and moe so we go talk to them and its mainly how moe should have asked to invite his friends because none of us knew who they were. so then moe felt bad and decided to take his friends to a party. and steven and mirna leave. and mark desi and me decide to watch kung foo panda in moe's room. so me and mark are on the couch and desi is on the bed. and at some point in the movie me and mark hold hands. now of course at this point i am freaking out! like omg rufs! ha ha. we chilled till about 3/4 in the morning with the mates and just yeah. so desi left and he was like "i should go too" and i didnt wanna seem creepy so i let him go. but before he did we hugged it out because i didnt wanna go outside cuz it was cold. and while he hugged it out we looked at each other and then hugged again then it happeded. he looked at me and then just went for it! he kissed me :] and i was soo happy. it went from a kiss to making out lol. "it was awesome"

sat. march 28, 2009
the mates rented a few movies so mark and desi came over and the 3 of us decided to watch twilight in moe's room and we did. me and mark were on the bed this time and desi was on the couch. then moe decided he wanted to see it too. and being how desi is so mean she wouldnt sit up in the couch so he had to be with us in the bed [this is his bed just so you know] so we are watching the movie and me and mark are holding hands and kissing lol. it was cute! ha ha but i kinda felt bad. n*e*ways then we all watched a little tv and we were watching somethign about bowflex [damn info-mercials] and me and moe we talking about him working out and i asked mark, do you think i should bulk up or just slim out? and he replied with" why would you do that? dont do that i like you like you are" wow what a guy right! then desi decided to leave [by the way desi i am so sorry that you had to go through that] so then me and mark are in my room on the bed just chillin talking. and finally hes like "did you see this coming?" and of course i didn't and replied no. and we talked some more and then i asked him where he wanted this to go and he said
"where ever you want it to go"
me. "i know but im just scared of getting hurt"
mark. "yeah but we cant really controll that, because you can hurt me as well"
"thats true, i dont know..."
him. "so what do you think?"
"well i can honestly say that i do want us to be together."
mark. "me too. "
*we both smile*
then he said something about liking me for a while, and liking me a lot..... we made out for a bit then i fell asleep and woke up about 630 ish in the morning, and we were still all hugged up on each other. and i stayed up for like 30/40 min. before i fell asleep again.

sun. march 29, 2009
then i woke up about 1030 and he was already up and said that he wanted to go home to wash clothes, and i was like "lame" but i waled him out and we kissed again. of course.
then i went with my mom to see my grandma [sorry gabb. :/]
so when i got back mark came over. me him and moe watched nick and norahs infinite playlist. [love that movie btw]
we were cuddled on the coutch all cute. then we watched garden state cuz i heart that movie. and we made out during it and stuff. he like both of the movies but had to leave cuz he had to work this morning :/ and i cant see him tonight cus he has to wake up at 4 tomorrow to go ad for tuesday. it sucks.

so till tues, night lol :]

Posted using TxtLJ

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:02:16 GMT

s lame but I would go to rain every thursday if I could... it was super packed and everyone was dancing! uhhh I love it

last.fm

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 23:46:34 GMT

so last fm is officially the shit! I love it cuz it recommends stuff that I actually like! hence.... the honorary title

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:05:06 GMT

so these are the ideas from my sketch book.... soon to be tattoos!
just a quick updation of what i have been up to tonight :]
here we go...

obvioulsy old-school

you all know this tatt!

-this is a project i was telling ms. hood about. it would be like a
follow up to the "sun of me" that i made... the center pice is a half
sun/moon which the sun side would have images in reds, yellows,
oranges the "warm" colors, and the moon side would have stuff
revolving around blues, purples, and other "cool" colors this
would be about the same sise as the one in my room. Then
the numbered circles above are of the sun [there are 14] and
the bottom ones would be [obviously] of the moon. they would
all be the size of a normal piece of paper. the only reason i
haven't done it yet is because it is a serise of 29 new ideas.
which means TIME CONSUMING!

gabby's tattoo (pre, on the body)

tree of life... i really like the idea of this... and so does my ma.

anchor [of course]

random?

yes, it does say mom! and yes im thinking of gettin this

1st of the series of the sun

1st of the series of the moon

the koi fish that i am getting NEXT for sure! hopefully soon :]

wing #2

wing # 1

reasons/ meaning of the koi fish

p.s.
i talked to my mom about these ideas of these as tattoos and she is cool with it, as long as they stay on my leg and "dont rome to other parts of my body" so YAY..... soon, i hope :]

now!

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 10:07:54 GMT

so its been a while you guys! as if that's not normal for me.... coming soon - all of this boys drama

further down the spiral

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:34:12 GMT

i'm looking for "further down the spiral" from nine inch nails...
i have been looking for this album for a while it would be greatly appreciated!

can you help?

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 03:37:09 GMT

even if it kills me
i really want this cd!
can you help me out...
none of the ones i have tried work?
so yeah :)
thanks in advanced!

BTW

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 05:43:27 GMT

this is for my sis...

love ya homie

is it so wrong that i just want someone to call my own...

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 15:46:31 GMT

so i'm excited!
it's college.
new people [which i have started to meet]
books.
fresh start.

-----

this UT stuff makes me want to live in a dorm!
all the gay guys one can meet!

_____

so i think i am gonna change who i am [secret identiy's and shit!]
i want to try to be the straight gay guy, and i'm gonna need ya'lls help...
so that guy rudy is cool but he seems soo into himself!
and he makes me feel fatter than what i already do :[ w/e
it's cool to have another gay guy i can relate to
will & jack [he's jack, into himself, super gay]
........

so im gonna drive by next week!
i'm so excited, you should be too
no more driving adan everywhere!
just me and "big blu" ;)

~~~

so i'm mad the day i leave to P.R. everything is happening...
lily allen.
erics party.
gay pride, in austin.
thats all i have to say
its GAY PRIDE
damnit
i'm so fucking bummed!

10 things i blank about you

Wed, 30 May 2007 20:54:18 GMT

yes LiLi i took this from you, it looked fun
btw we graduated! fuck h.s.! woo

1. i HATE that you pretend to be my friend even though we both know you dislike me as i do you...
2. i LOVE that you appreciate me for all that i am :)
3. i HATE that you left me there waiting for you, i dont want to wait, thats why i left*
4. i LOVE that you can always pretend everything is okay, even though i can hate it when you do.
5. i HATE that i can't be less flaming :..(
6. i LOVE that you are annoyed by me, it makes me feel like i'm getting back at you*
7. i HATE that you have to deal with some of the things that i do...
8. i LOVE that i am GAY!
9. i HATE that i am GAY!
10. i LOVE that you are leaving me and you don't care! [sarcasm is beautiful...]

can i cry now?
i dont want him^ to leave me, he can't, i wish i was over him...

yay!

Mon, 28 May 2007 17:08:34 GMT

so last night was sooo much fun!

alot of us went to coach cacons house to see ms. scalia, wich was wonderful!
then me fel desi and adrea went to andreas dorm to help her fix her "broken" bed [it was not broken!]
so yeah we got there and were freaking out on how cool it was!
then we started to fix her bed and of course we are loud as hell so...
he like neighbor from across the hall comes in. he introduces himself....
his name is rudy, and we all start talking.
so we con him into going with us to spiderhouse because he had never been before.
it was walking distance so that was cool.
we get to spiderhouse and gabby is there!
so we all chill there for like 2 hours...
that was fun, gabby leaves then we decide to go back to the doorms
we get back and the visiting hours are over... bumer
so we end up waiting for rudy's date to come get him [he is gay by the way] and we end up talking to
christian scott, for like 2 min.
then this guy is like all by himself so we decide to let him in our conversation, his name is
marshall, ill let fel tell that story...
desi leaves...
so we end up talking till rudy's date gets there, he leaves...
then its just me andrea fel and marshall.
we all end up talking till like 1:10 or something...
it was a great night, it makes me glad to be going to college soon!
p.s.
rudy invited me to go with him to the "cock pit" which i have been wanting to go to since the day i turned 18
and he invited me to go to some porn shop with him...
sounds like fun!

omfg

Thu, 24 May 2007 23:56:26 GMT

the last day of school tomorrow!
FUCK YESS BITCH!
the end

Wed, 23 May 2007 20:09:26 GMT

tomorrow work
friday school
the end of high school
and eachother as we know it!
soon...
i can't wait
...but not really

Wed, 23 May 2007 00:09:40 GMT

- Kara's Flowers: maroon 5 [before they were maroon 5]

- So today during the ten minute break Eric randomly asked me to look at one of the picnic tables because it said, and I quote: “I love Eric, and not the twin.” And he thought I wrote it…
Witch I fully understand except for all of the people in the would to ask me that it was funny to seem that he actually noticed something about me, even though it wasn’t me!

Whatever I was still happy that he talked to me.

I really want to have an in depth conversation with him before he leaves to Dallas…

You guys I cant believe that it is actually happening! He is goanna leave me :(

- so last nights cake was really good so good that i ate 3 slices, and then had a slice of mrs. hood's cake...damn!

- the new hair do!

- well2 days of school and 1 day of work left then its all over....

- a random pic, since i'm on a role!

it's all over

very random

Tue, 22 May 2007 04:49:06 GMT

yeah i know i haven't been writing latley, i have been occupied by other things, i swear!

1. i dont think that i should be this sad about eric leaving me for dallas, i should be proud of him! damn i guess i am trying to be supportive it's just not working out for me like i thought it would... i should have kissed him when i had the chance!

2. graduation biotches! we only have what 4 days of school left! damn... can anyone say BITTERSWEET

3. i started to apply to acc and i am pretty excited, it's starting to kick in, im going into the real world!

4. so i recently did a art project and alot of people have been encouraging me to pursue that hobbie more often [maybe!] give me ideas...

5. i need to finish this book that i started ages ago "way of the peaceful warrior" it's realy good which is why i don't know why i haven't finished it yet?... soon

6. the plan for today was for me and Gabbz and LiLi to hang out at my house and make a pie/ cake... it ended up being me and gabby which was awesome by the way [thanx babe] we made a cake with extra sprinkles, and even though it came out fucked, we had alot of fun!

        - (side note)- so at gabby's house warming party she keept calling me her BROTHER whitch made me feel so great!
                                  i mean she considered me her brother that is like an honor between friends and i just recived it, and her in return...
                                 yeah so me and gabby are officially brother and sister. so don't fuck with us niggaz!

7. gabbys house warming party was fun except i couldn't get crunk :[ but i still had oddles of fun! lots of me and gabby time!

8. all of you reading this are invited to my graduation luncheon, sunday june 3rd... for more details call me. dress to impress. wishing well [gimmie my money bitch!] haha

9. all my friends are going to leave me! boo hoo! yeah for some reason i have been extra depressed about this!?

10. pirates of the carribean, thursday night at 8:30 call me or Gabby D. for more details but call by may 22 tues.

laterz!
love ya'll
kisses ;- {|)

is it over?!

Fri, 11 May 2007 00:14:00 GMT

so what the hell is going on!
why the hell are we falling apart this close to the end?!... it's no one's fault that we are split apart, it just happened that way... yes i said A COMMENT and that's all nothing more! i'm sorry and i hope you understand that little detail. and this drama that ya'll are having amongst yourselfs with three people. don't drag us into that we have nothing to do with it at all!
the seniors CLASS OF 007 are falling apart...we can't it shouldn't be alowed!
o well.......

that makes this sad!

"GooD NewS EverybodY"

Wed, 02 May 2007 02:16:57 GMT

so today eric talked to me alot...
even though it wasnt interesting, it was great!
the i invited him to go eat with me and my parents,
and for some reason or another jasmin couldn't come
[yes she was invited, by me.. we are cool]
but yeah it was nice, we just semi talked about
"THE NOTE" he said and i quote,
"it was kinda a lot of stuff out of no where"
and so on. we talked it out he is cool with it
[of course] why wouldnt he be?
-
he said that he is going to U.T.D.
which by the way i am not to happy about,
but i'm not that sad about it, could this be me
getting over the only love i've ever known?
o well we will know in due time...
he says that he wants to stay here in austin but
he has a full scholarship to Dallas, and
i think that i am gonna encourage him to go,
ya know do what is best for the both of us
this way he is happy and that makes me happy...
this is also beneficial on my part because that
MAY mean that he will want to hang out with me
more often since he will not see me as often.
-
did i tell ya'll that chris and i are cool now?
yeah all of a sudden he had this revelation
that he is ready to have friends again, so i guess
that i was a luckey one choosen to be in his
circle of friendship, along with newly added
david tamez?! yeah thats what i said too.
i have no idea where that came from?
-
is it really that wrong for me to want a boyfriend
at this point in my life? i mean come on
what the hell is going on, all of the other guys
have either had, or currently have a girlfriend
or are in a relationship! is there something
wrong with me? please tell me what it is,
am i really annoying like topher said?
[no i will never forget that] what is it?
i have never ever been in a relationship
[with a boy{sorry katie}].. i need to have
this experience sometime, i mean wow
i'm not a virgin but, i havent been in a
relationship, what the hell is that about?!
he didn't even love/like me. just saying
that makes me feel whore-ish!
-
so i am getting a job with the place i
work at now: Sandalwood Management.
and its great because i like working there!
with my first pay check i am getting T-Mobile.
-
that is all for today
"goodnight and goodluck"
-your lover

Fuck

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 23:33:50 GMT

so like i did it!
i gave the note to eric...
he said "its confusing" WTF
o well i guess i will give him time....

love...

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 02:19:15 GMT

...yeah right!
if this were only true!

o wow, i wish...

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:40:45 GMT

the Brand New concert at stubbs B-B-Q was awesome!
i do not know half of the sngs that Brand New has but let me tell you that was probly the 2nd best concert i have ever been to...
i have never been so sweaty in my life [litraly from head to toe] and i could bearly talk afterwards, IT WAS AWESOME!

so i have changed my mind... i am staying in austin and i will be attending ACC and St. Edwards, i'm cool with it...

so last night i had the best dream of my career!
it started off with me and Eric in a parking lot. we were talking about something [i don't remember].
Then in an instant, he says
"i can't do this" then i ask
"can't do what" he says
"i love you Adan"
then all of a sudden, we start to make out [who would have guessed...]
and he pushes me up onto a red van and then we [i don't remember if it was me or him]
open the door and lay down on the floor o fthe van while there were people inside who were staring at us. of course i wasn't gonna stop because i mean c'mon this is what i have always wanted!
then he reapeats
"i love you"
we kiss once more, then we stop and i walk away [not in a bad sence]
then i arrive at school in the middle of the hall way,
and in front of me through the wide open doors i see Mr. Barwick getting off of his black moped
he is wearing a black helment, kahki pants a green shirt and a yellow tie.
i walk up to him and atempt to give him a hug, he says
"wait you can't hug me i'm a teacher" i say
"yeah but you are no longer my teacher"
the we hug and i is one of the best hug that i have ever recieved.
then he is like
"well arn't you in a good mood" and i say
"yeah, today had ust been the best day ever!"
he of course asks me how, i reply by telling him that it has finnaly happened,
me and eric have finaly hooked up.
"wow that's wonderful" he says "so what else is new?"
then we are talking for a little while... then i wake up

DAMN!

"WoW, Really?"

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 23:42:30 GMT

i feel so horrible because i am excited about utsa but at the same time i feel that i am breaking away from my friendships [eric] and i just want to cry. i tried to talk to him last night but he was all like what should we do about it?...
i don't know anymore it pisses me off that i am so insecure about being without him, is that wrong/ i mean we are not even together.
well what the fuck!
i am just so confused damnit!!!
i will be leaving the love of my live in less than two months! what the hell am i suposed to think about that?
you tell me...

I NEED ADVICE!
love,

Mr. Sexi / Koo Lighta / Don Don / Donny / Adan / You / Hey
[its true, my nick names]

fuck yes

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 22:29:45 GMT

so i am so fucking excited that i feel stoopid!
i don't car though.
i got accepted into UTSA, i'm not sure if i am going yet...i have to ~~talk~~ argue with my mother and con her into letting me go!
i know that i want a major in business, and a minor in psychology.
that might change...

okay so this ugly ass nigga (literaly) wants to go out and he is all kinds of weird, and he comes off a s being really strong blah blah blah...
so the point is i don't like him, "but don't worry' i' flattered that he is in love with me...
tell me this, is this like bad karma for me being in love with eric, and being a bug-a-boo?
o well i don't care i'm going to do it anyways.

so me fel and desi hung out on saturday night for like 2 seconds [i'm exaggerating obviously] but all we did was go to Amy's which was fun but whatever...so we were talking, mostly me [i want yall to tell me if i am ever being annoying, because afert chris called me annoying that is all i can think about myself] but we had fun!

guess what...
i currently have the,
Shiny Toy Guns - We Are Pilots
Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank
The Goo Goo Dolls - Let Love In
i like ALL of them they are ~~great~~ awsome!
if yall want one let me know and you can borrow it/ them [not all at once]

I STILL LOVE ERIC
MY PASSWORD IS...
ihearthim [obsessed much]

SHIT

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 06:40:17 GMT

i dont think that i have ever been so scared/worried all at once...
i didn't even know what to feel at that point....
i wanted to call the cops, and scream at the top of my lungs for help.....
horrible ending to what previously was the best night out ever.

hookas are awsome people!

still worried, and waitng for a call sometime soon!
love

i don't know what the hell to do!

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 18:50:31 GMT

someone, anyone...
yes i am still IN LOVE with Eric, so what bitch!
i can't choose who i love or else i would currently be in love with someone who is acctually gay/ someone wholoves me back, and is not so compicated...
fuck you guys, i can't even cry!
damnit.....
i know that i am upsessing over him but what the hell am i suposed to do with the guy i love, i only want to see him happy....
and right now he is not, because he is still with that fucking bitch that for some reason i act like we are best friends at school, but then i talk all kinds of shit about her, what the fuck is wrong with me. do i do it on purpose?
what do i care if she likes me or not.
i wish that i could do many things with my life and myself right at this moment....

1. i would not longer talk/ hang out with Jasmin.
2. i wish that i could be that one gay guy that no one can tell that he is gay... the guy that the other guys thik is awsome, and the girls think he is cute but know something is different about him?!
finally i want to one day get the balls to walk up to Eric and tell him...
"i knwo you know that i love you, but what i think you get from that is the feeling that all i want from you is sex... and that is not what i want. what i want is to give my heart to you, and for you to accept it with an open mind. even if you are not gay you can at least respect my feelings and figure what it is that you are doing with me and my emotions. you come over to my house and let me flirt with you and you aleep in the same bed as me, do you do it on purpose, or are you doing it because you feel bad and know that we can not ever be together just tell me know so that i can try my hardest to get over you (even though i won't / can't) i need to know how you feel towards me. no you rae worng i do know that i love you! i know because i would give up all that i have, all that i know, just to be with you. if we could be together, with the price of me never being able to have sex with you or able to hang out with anyone else i wouldent care, because all i need is you in my life. as long as i am with you that is what i want. i want to know that you love me as much as i love you, and i would not need anything else in this life. you are my other half. you. the one that God put on this earth for me to find, to be with and to cherish for all that you are. i would rather never talk to you that to just have one night with you, or one kiss from you. i have done that before and it is not worth it. if i ever lost you i don't know that i would do with myself. i think that i would go crazy! i could never find anyone as wonderful, loving, funny, hot, caring, laid back, great, socialble as you"............this is my heart on a computer screen.

fuck that felt great if only he could understan where i am coming from and, not think of me as some psyco stalker crazy guy.

what should i do with mysef?

i feel so stupid.

for the past week (before spring break) we have been texting eachother, for him it ment nothing but is showed me that everyonce in a while he acctually thinks about me...
this week he has not sent me one text, he was in san antonio with jasmin (probly fucking) and i can't get my mind off it!
all i need is one text telling me that you can't wait to hang out when you get back....
-it will never happen.

to all those out there who know how i feel. i congratulate you for not killing yourself.

LOVE

another wonderful moment with e to the ric

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 20:12:39 GMT

so last friday eric came over and he was talking alot more than usual and it was partly because he got into his "i'm gonna break up with jasmin" phase. but i was cool with it. so all we did was...... we wached cursed when he first got there, and we didnt actually watch it we talked most of the movie because we had both seen the movie already. then we decided to go outside (cuz that seems to be OUR thing...) and we were talking about everything, all the while ray was texting me telling me to "touch his dick, kiss him, or do something as stop being a pussy." but of course i keept telling him that i wouldn't do anything because i was too nervious. so yeah then eric ordered a pizza becuase he is eric...... and we sat outside while he ate, and i emphasize he because i didn't eat. then we saw some cats fucking wich was hilarious and would only happen in my neighborhood, but it was funny and it gave us something to talk about. then we went inside and it was about 1:00 a.m. and we talked some more about nothing, all the while we were watching VH1 (music videoes) and we were flipping through channels untill we decided to lay down. from there it got AWESOME! we were just laying there watching t.v. and he started falling asleep now it was about 2:40...the i finally was like "okay this is fun but i thing i will just go to sleep" and the i turn off the t.v and he is like wide awake again (odd i know) the im like "i'm cold" so i litraly am pushed up against him my head was rresting on his arm (like his armpit, which smelled great)and he is COOL with it... the i wrap one of my arms around his stomach, and our legs were intertwined because "my feet were freezing" OH YEAH IT WAS GREAT....
then on saturday it kinda was boring, the his grandpa called and it got ocward...BOOOO. HE LEFT....
on sunday a few of us went bowling, and Eric was upset because gabby has a new boyfriend, so i decided to talk to him about it cuz i knew exactly what he was going through. the he realised that i ment him and jasmin.... he felt better after a while and was cool with it.
then we went to starbucks and when everyone left but me and eric, he told me that he read all the text messages that me and ray sent eachother, on friday night BEFORE we fell asleep.... did he want me to do spmething to him or what? and he said "i glad you didn't do anything... so yeah?...

this weekend a few of us went to spiderhouse and the whole time i was flirting with him, and he seemed to be cool with it, the for like an hour he rested hisright leg on my lap... i was soo happy!, then on saturday me and fel went to his baseball practice, and that was cool.... we ended up all eating a baby a's then the 3 of us went to h-e-b where me and fel were pretending to go out, the eric was all like "now i feel like the gay friend" and i said "well if you feel gay then i can always cling to your arm insted of fels" then we went to his house and watched emlpyee of the month, then fel left and me and him wached saw 3 together, more talking occured, then it was over and we waited outside for my dad and we sat on the bed of their pick-up together in the dark in the freezing cold..and talked and i got sad because we were talking about how we were gonna be gone from school and all our friends wold leave... i got sad and told him "if you ever leave me i don;t know what i would do with myself" and he said "don't worry i wont leave you" then i got home and he called and we talked for about 15 min. before we said "goodnight" the i called fel and told her waht went down after she left...

thats it
isnt it awesome....

love ya'll